Over the last few years my motivation at work has had its ebbs and flows. Looking back I made some very scary choices, but good ones none the less. Those decisions and the many changes over the last 4 years have molded me into what some may call an over achiever. I have put a lot of energy into career progression (up the ladder) and in turn some career broadening has slipped through the cracks.
Today I failed. I won't go into details (don't want to turn my mood south) but I finally failed at something I had pushed myself to do, and I was doing it voluntarily to make matters worse! You know what, it feels liberating!! I know, I'm nuts. Sunday afternoon, while being snappy with my kiddos because they weren't cooperating at nap time, thus making it impossible for me to concentrate on the task I failed at... I had a bit of an awakening. In my frustrations, I placed my laptop down - went to the kids room - brushed Danica's hair behind her ear and calmed her down - sat down with Owen and patted his back - moments later they were both calm and nodding off. It was then that I realized, I'm wasting away precious moments by packing my schedule - VOLUNTARILY. Since having Owen, I've worked my tush off for 3 promotions, a Degree, several awards, added responsibility, volunteer opportunities etc. etc. etc. Meanwhile, I have a home and a family. I work a full time job. I maintain healthy and happy friendships. Yet, if I don't have a box that I'm in the process of checking off for my resume, I've been uncomfortable. Why?
It feels good to fail and to not worry about what others think. I tried, it didn't work, I'll try again in the future when I've had a little bit of time to relax. I am drained, and coming home at 4:30 everyday and having evening and weekends dedicated to ME (and by "me" I mean all of the Ortegas of course) feels great. It's time to kick back and relax for a bit. What good are accomplishments if you don't give yourself the opportunity to enjoy each one.
-RELAX... life's about some fun and games too. Enjoy your children while they are still little. Love your husband and be someone he can love being around! Enjoy your home. Find some time to read. WORK OUT. Stop rushing! Do things in your time, your way. - The end!
My superwoman friend. :-) I've had a similar epiphany just like you, right before I decided to get out of the AF. Albeit I still NEED a checklist, but things are so much more lax. I'm happy to see you are doing the same. :-)
ReplyDeleteI know Winnie! I thought that you may understand this change in ways. It truly felt like a huge weight off of my shoulders. Yet, a little embarrassing that I've even put all these "accomplishments" before spending time being a mommy before.
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